Cumulative Holiday politics

It has come to my attention that some holidays are current and others are cumulative. For example, Valentines day is current. If you are in love and someone is returning that love then Valentines day is a good holiday, even though you may have had pathetic ones in the past, this is the one that counts. Same thing with birthdays, Easter and Halloween. Each year you make the memory that counts, have the best time and feel the most content.

Holidays that are cumulative: Thanksgiving and Christmas and probably Hanukkah and Kwanzaa but I am guessing there.

I have been feeling a mixture of sad, excited, lonely, philisophical and well, moody this Christmas. Now if this Christmas could stand on it's own, not rolled into all others, I would feel differently. But cumulative holidays stand compared to and in contrast to all others of the same kind ever experienced by any person.

I was walking around Michaels craft store today at 5:30 and thinking to myself, (sigh) I don't really have to hurry, my food is cooking at home and the three of us are not on any schedule. We aren't waiting for Santa or expecting anyone so... I guess I will look at 50% off Christmas stuff and feel sorry for myself. I miss everyone!

It occured to me though.. maybe I couldn't just experience this holiday for what it is because I was locked into Christmas history. I had to laugh at myself for hating being so relaxed. How many years had I prayed for this? The years that we had the frog to do, sold out toys to quest for, schedules to keep and extended family drama that made me want to slump to the ground in a defensive sleeping coma until it was all over. How many Bernhard pc Nutcracker's had we staged and Walker music programs had we sweated over? Randy and I after 30+ years together live in relative peace, the live and let live and cheer the other on truce that time accomplishes. How many Christmas's had we argued and been tense and worried and flat broke?

So, alas we are all looking for the perfect Christmas. It is a fantasy of course. Like a virtual woman it has all good points and no flaws. Everyone together, the food delicious, the presents personal and the music and sights astounding.

Back to Michaels and my lonely stroll. As I walked along, I remembered my kids each as they entered adulthood saying, Christmas isn't fun when you get grown up. I remember telling them.. it will be when you become Santa yourself. In fact it is more fun. Just wait. So being one, who tries to take their own advice. I walked over to these cool 3-D puzzles and bought one for my giant kid that lives with me to put under the tree. I have to tell you, I felt better. Merry Christmas.