I have been thinking a lot about faith lately. Why you have it, how you lose it, where you find it and so on.. I don't have a gift wrapped lovely package in which I can present the answer for any one. I do know that like many other upredictable, disappointing, heartbreaking, thrilling, confusing and calming things, I do believe. It is not because I have had so many problems solved by religion or because I see that my way of doing things is so much better it has to be true, not really. What I do know is that I have appreciation. I feel lucky, blessed or simply in a good place, despite sad things, challenges and disappointments. Perhaps it is my belief that appreciating things is an important part of joy. I feel panic when I think I might lose my ability to be grateful, to see so much that is good in me and see that ideas bigger and people braver than I am gave them to me, without a word.
I think about all the things I value, all the things I love and none of them are without huge flaws. Falling in love and getting married is a real set of ups and downs, being a mom can make you feel so small and inadequate, creating art is often misunderstood, belittled or sometimes taken from you, Teaching works as long as you are present, then it is all up to the student, it can be as if you never exsisted and never mattered. So.. why do I choose to be married, have kids, be a grandma, create art, and keep teaching? Because, I can, and I should and I do.
imply put, it is a choice. Like loving turquoise, I can probably never convince someone to like it let alone love it, but it is part of the essence of me. I like to spend a lot of my time being around and thinking about kids. I admire them you see. They don't look for deeper meaning in things and yet inherently they see them, they don't hold grudges and yet they are good judges of character, they don't get bored or know everything or have "deep thoughts" and yet I learn so much from them. It is more like remembering. Remembering the good things, the sweet things, the excitement and wonder I often lose track of. So to me, when the scriptures talk about seeing and believing like a child, it was not teaching us to see less but to see more, to embrace the impossible complexities with a child's eye, eyes that have not given up yet, hope. Yep, hope.
1 comment:
This is a good post. One thing that occurred to me while reading your post is that, in my mind, many of your points are not a matter of a lack of faith, hope, or gratitude (which I think is implicitly implied), but rather, a question of attribution. What is the source (object) of our faith? Hope? Gratitude? To what do we attribute the mysteriousness of life and metaphysical manifestations? In other words, faith (which, in my view, everyone has) is manifested in many different forms. Many times, faith is exhibited most clearly when it transcends dogmatic guidelines of development (faith in humanity, the earth, etc).
I think faith is essential. I think spirituality is, likewise, essential. Most importantly, seeking out a more authentic connection to this "thing" (life, nature, or whatever) that we're all experiencing is crucial.
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